Start.

Well, here we go. I was told a few weeks ago that I am entertaining and I should start a blog. I had been complaining for the last few months that I have no hobbies, so rather than picking up crocheting I decided, hell, might as well try it.
My blog is not going to be one of those my-life-is-so-perfect-look-how-cool-I-am blogs, nor will it be an amazing story of something I've conquered (although that would be cool).
I am just a very random person who makes a mountain out of an anthill, and who apparently entertains people.
My goal for this blog is to "discover" myself. No, just kidding. I'm actually just pretty self absorbed and love to tell stories. One thing I do want, however, is to get 1 person from very state to read my blog. Then when I meet someone, they'll say something like "Ya I work for NASA doing biochemical engineering" (I don't know if that's really something that happens at NASA) and then I can say "Ya, well 1 person in every single state has heard of me. Put some ketchup on THAT. (My trademark, copyrighted saying)." I highly doubt this blog will ever be huge, but if I can make money talking about myself, then bring on the cash.
So, I'll start off introducing who I am:
I'm a forensic psychology student. The way one's mind works fascinates me. Within ten minutes of meeting a person, I analyze the crap out of them. I'm not doing it to be rude, I just like to figure people out. Every person is a book, a story that I can learn from.
I try to be poetic but it comes out like the sentence above.
When I say random, I honestly mean RANDOM. I think about at least 300 things per minute, and the thoughts are usually useless.
I have a new random fact and a random question every single day, which I will probably post.
I am very opinionated, blunt, and (unfortunately) judgemental. BUT 99% of people think it's amusing.
I am an advocate for abused children. My life goal is to change child abuse laws in Utah. (YOU HEAR THAT UTAH!!! I'M COMING AFTER YOU IN ABOUT 10 YEARS!!!!) And technically, I'm really nothing but a motivated college student who volunteers to help abused children. Sounding professional just seemed fun.
I also rescue abused animals. I have three rescued dogs: Chamira, Maggie, and Roxy. I spoil them so much that now they are just obese barrels with legs. And I talk to them like they are humans. Guaranteed I will reference my dogs at least 3 more times today.
I have an amazing tattoo artist of a boyfriend, Kyle. I hate girls who talk about their boyfriends all day, so I'll try not to. But he is just too good not to say something about. We have been together for almost 2 years and lived together for over a year, so it's not just a middle-school crush that will be over in a week. He's also super tall, which I love because I can wear high heels around him.
I deliver pizza. I will most likely complain about how people suck at tipping daily. I'm a horrible driver and directionally impaired. I honestly don't know why I still have a job... I think this just goes back to the whole entertaining people thing.
I have no common sense.
I am a pessimist, but I act like I'm optimistic.
I grew up in an old-school biker family. I love me some Harleys.
I am waaaay too open.
I'm the worst liar you will ever meet.
I giggle uncontrollably in the absolute worst situations.
I cry more than a girl my age should. I just love a good cry though. That and mixed with the fact that I hate water, I'm always dehydrated. If you pinch the skin on my knuckles, it'll stay up until I bend my finger (totally gross I know).
I'm a magnet for stupid situations. I always have a story because something rare always happens to me. You don't believe me? Here are some examples: I got into the middle of a drug raid while delivering a pizza, I ran my car into a house, and I was the first person in my hometown to ever be bitten by a hobo spider. Those don't even make a dent in my series of stupid stories.
I snort when I laugh. And I laugh harder at my jokes than anyone else. On that note, my favorite thing in the world is laffy taffy jokes. So simply entertaining.
I absolutely HATE bad grammar. So, if I ever make a grammitical error, feel free to post a comment telling me what I did wrong and how I can fix it. Thank you. Don't be nitpicky though.
I thoroughly enjoy calling people immature. I don't know what it is but I love it. It's kind of like the "I'm rubber you're glue" song, once it's been said, anything they say after that just proves your diss even more.
I'm a nerdy kid trapped in a nice body (not to be conceited.) If my body mirrored my personality, I would probably snort a lot, have braces with food stuck in them, wear glasses with tape in the middle, and carry around an inhaler and a calculator. I'm not complaining though.

I vividly daydream at least 88% of the time (you'll learn to hate my made up statistics). I just love to envision myself trying new things. Although my horrible anxiety will most likely prevent me from doing any of those things. When I thought of starting this blog, I pictured myself curled up in a blanket in front of a fireplace, with a glass of Chai Tea in my hand, pursed lips, hair in a bun, and my glasses on the edge of my nose. This really is how I look right now in my head. But in all reality, I'm sitting in a basement on a torn-up brown leather couch, dirty clothes surrounding me, staticy hair, and my three dogs laying on a different section of me. They think my blog is funny. On a side note, I think I'm giving Chamira a complex. She now answers to fatty. Literally.
One day, I envision myself cooking in Paris with a view of the Eiffel Tower, a big loaf of bread, and a cool long, skinny cigarette. I love to cook (although I'm horrible at it) and I have an extremely odd obsession with France.

So, there a go. A huge mess of a person.

P.S. Have you ever seen the highways named after someone? Like V. Hansen highway? How do I get a highway named after me? Wiley Highway. Jaime Highway. Something cool like that.

P.P.S Did you know, that there are over 650 people in Paris every year who get hospitalized for slipping on dog crap? My dogs would have a hayday there since they have this new obsession with eating crap. (See what I did there, I incorporated my random fact, Paris, and my dogs all into one fun little statement.)